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When the excesses of your life get too much
Having had a life of excessive over indulgence in everything bad, I have attained a particular feel for how to perform what women call 'detox'. Typically associated with inducing a state of malnutrition and nearing death, this detox plan is based on the principal of restoring depleted supplies and refreshing your life page. Some people call this the 'man detox' as it is preferable to men who cannot survive on herbal tea and stewed prunes.
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It's all too apparent
Over-indulgence is all too obvious. Luckily detox worked for this young man. |
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What the hell is 'detox'?
Detox has been present in some cultures as far back as history can remember. This plan offers a practical way to detox and recharge, without suffering the side effects associated and documented in other detox plans. This plan does not involve fasting or enemas, so don't worry. It is a five day plan that can be incorporated into your usual working day. You have been living on the edge of death, pouring chemicals into your body, eating fat and sugar for weeks on end. Your days go from the highest high to the lowest low in half hour cycles. Your eyes ache, you shake and sweat, your stomach churns every time you smell the rancid chip pan fat. You are full of shite.
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Day 1: "Cleanse your filthy body man!"
This is probably the fastest and best place to start. You habitus is probably like a scene from Vietnam, littered with filth and detritious. Start here. Open the window, strip your bed and wash it all. If you achieve nothing else, the quality of your sleep will be increased by this alone. Make sure your rest area is accommodating and refreshed. Clean your rancid clothes and empty the bin. Now you are in a position to start the real work: on your putrid body.
Don't just sit and sweat in your own ming.
When you wash your stinking dog do you just let it fester in the water? No! This is where we throw in some key terms. Scrub off your party crust to increase blood flow to your skin and bring back the zing. Exfoliate. This can be done either with the commonly available 'gritty soap' products that actively exfoliate whilst you wash, or with a flannel or scrubbing sea urchin type thing.
Proceed to Day 2
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Another in need
Another in need of detox. I offer my expert advice. |
New Year's Eve
"I am truly grateful to detox. This man saved me from further antisocial behaviour"--Hal, another saved soul |
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